fifty decisions

by cosmic moron

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released January 15, 2015



all rights reserved


cosmic moron Middlebury, Indiana

make something beautiful before you fade away; i can feel myself fading everyday

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Track Name: fifty decisions
I decided to kill art and ended up killing artists
I decided to cut class and in turn fucked my life up
I decided to do drugs and lost all my parents trust
I decided to fall in love and in the end no one caught me
nothing I learn sticks because I'm sick
I can't adapt becuase I'm trapped
becuase when I have my prescription drugs I'm swept under the rug and so I shrug and pull the phone plug and lie there on my floor thinking of all I've done and I'm at war with myself and with the roar of the world. I stare at my phone and I groan.
it becomes known to me that
you don't need me or care, it's not fair.
I want to scream and shake and cry and
what I mean is I'm a fucking teen
what does anything mean is anyone there does anyone care
I need help I'm so lost I'm afraid to ask for it but at what cost?
home is where the heart is
all this crying I can't take this
slowly dying I don't want this
constant fighting always pissed
sometimes empty sometimes sad
never happy never glad I don't know if this is bad
It tends to feel just right

letting go and taking flight
Smoking drinking let me borrow a light
Then I think to my self my god is this
my life
and more
feeling nothing sure
is something
popping pills just for the thrills
smoking bud to relax And Drinking jack till my vision goes black
I see where I went wrong
I see myself for the first time
It's not cute to drink tequila and lime
I'm not special for what I got hiding in my pocket
I know my soul I, wanted to run away
but I just stayed, now I know why
Its important to lie and to be prepared to die
Track Name: i wanna be a witch
i wanna get high with you in my room
i want it to rain
i wanna stay in bed today
i will change my name
im counting down the weeks
until you come home
a miracle's gonna come save me
it's the only way
i wanna build a place in you
where i can be made new
i wanna sleep until it ends
i won't make new friends
Track Name: daydream daze
i cant answer your questions teacher
im in wonderland
im thinking of running away
and starting a band
Track Name: hair dye
Today's on of those days
When all the hair color fades
And the true colors show like scars under long sleeves
They say its just a phase
But it comes and goes in waves
The real colors are dull
Sad and not as fun
That's why people want their hair to be brighter than the sun
Track Name: i dont need anyone
i dont know
if im the
lightning or the rainbow
after a really big thunderstorm
and i dont
think i can
drink another drop
cause ive lost
all that ive won
and i dont need anyone
Track Name: corrie
corrie i think thats your name
i remember most of the time
cause sometimes were insane

your mom was a crazy woman
she tried her best to be there for you
she tried to raise you the
only way she knew
so when she broke her head
you didnt just lay in your bed
you knew youd have to be strong
all your life collapsed
on you one day
and for nine years old, id have to say

i get you and you get me
we get eachother and thats how itll be

you stopped my crying
you helped me find myself (when i needed help)
i just have to smile when im around you
i bet you make him happy
and i bet that you make your girls happy
and i bet that youve made your friends happy
and i bet that youve made your parents happy
cause everyone knows that youve made me happy
and i bet someday youll get a diamond ring and it would
sparkle like your eyes in the moonlight (on that night that you hugged me while I cried)

you hugged me when i felt like dying
you hugged me when i wouldnt stop sighing
you hugged me whenever i was sad
you let me punch you when i was mad
and i gave you a huge bruise on your arm
and im sorry i did that but you didnt care
you just laughed and said,
"hey sweetheart it okay, dont be afraid anymore
ill be there for you and you'll be there for me."
and itll make a great story, itll make a great story
Track Name: the junkyard song
they got the cheap dews
at the junkyard
and they be working hard
at the junkyard
while were sitting with sparks
chiling in the dark
trying to leave my mark
making something start
in the junkyard

driving and hanging around in old cars
all of this scrap metal gives me space to settle
didnt mean to trespass or mettle
just hold down the pedal

cause i only drink
the cheap dews
at the junkyard
theyre always working hard
at the junkyard
while were sitting in the dark
chilling with sparks
trying to leave my mark
making something start
in the junkyard

im supposed to leave in an hour or two
but my walkie signal just wont come through
my long hair flowed and it grew to be as tall as you
maybe we ought to try something new, nah

but the best part
was the cheap dews
at the junkyard
working real hard
at the junkyard
while were chilling with sparks
trying to leave my mark
making something start
at the junkyard
Track Name: congratulations (cover)
Dead in the water
It's not a paid vacation
The sons and daughters of city officials
Attend demonstrations
It's hardly a sink or swim
When all is well if the ticket sells

Out with? a wimper
It's not a blaze of glory
You look down from your temple
As people endeavor to make it a story
And chisel a marble word
But all is lost if it's never heard

But I've got someone to make reports
That tell me how my money's spent
To book? my stays and draw my blinds
So I can't see what's really there
And all I need's a great big congratulations

I'll keep your dreams
You pay attention for me
As strange as it seems
I'd rather dissolve than have you ignore me
The ground may be moving fast
But I tied my boots to a broken mast

The difference is clear
You throw it in your cauldron
Rust and veneer, dusk and dawn
Steinways and Baldwins
You start with a simple stock of all the waste
And salt to taste

But damn my? luck and damn these friends
That keep on combing back their smiles
I save my grace with half-assed guilt
And lay down the quilt upon the lawn
Spread my arms and soak up congratulations